Extracting my own words

After studying the textual elements of the work of Helen Ward I decided to carry out a similar experiment with my own words. Even as I began typing them out changes occurred. However after printing out and marking yup the actions, descriptive words and sounds I have realised that my own work lacks in many ways. This is good though as without doing the exercises with the work of Helen Ward I may never have come to this realisation. The words are shown below but many highlights are not visible with scan. My next step is to rework the textual element of my story.